after the great battle of 2030 a new fo was presented to the TAN boys…as our power vocalist was yelling at his asistant for the day, we understood there was a much deeper insecurity at hand. we set aside our weapons and tried a calm and normal discussion of how this was ridiculous and made him look like a fukken retard to the rest of us and everyone else who would come in contact with him in this situation.
we decided, as a group, imagine that a group of boys agreeing on something with out any aggresion or nonsensical arguments against the logical topic of conversation at hand…to undocternate the afflicted vocalist from his dillusional state. Following the guidance of Stanley Kubrick we decided to sedate and restrain this psycotic at this stage of insanity…while under a heavy does of hallucinagenics we played a video loop of Scarface…on repeat…CONSTANT YA’LL…wanna see my bed? Look at this thing, this a mutha fukken space ship, i take you to different planets on this bitch. I got guns, swords, these my si’s like a fukken ninja. I mean LOOK AT ALL MY SHIT!!! I GOT ROOMS OF THIS SHIT. Look at my hats, i got shirts, i got shorts…evey color. Calvin klein B and Calvin Klein excape they smell good, I smell good, tanning oil for the pool, lay out by the pool.
After the first treatment was done we tried again, booked another show and our vocalists attitude was a complete turn around. While our treatrment was praised throughout the science community as revolutionary it seemed uneffective on the female brain. Studies continued for many years until finally the science world came to the conclusion that logical reasoning of any sort was beyond the comprehension of women who had a break in their confidence or self resiliance mechanism at an earlier date.
Let this be a warning to ye all who dare tread onto this land:
I. Every man has a vote in affairs of moment; has equal title to the fresh provisions, or strong liquors, at any time seized, and may use them at pleasure, unless a scarcity (not an uncommon thing among them) makes it necessary, for the good of all, to vote a retrenchment.
II. Every man to be called fairly in turn, by list, on board of prizes because, (over and above their proper share) they were on these occasions allowed a shift of clothes: but if they defrauded the company to the value of a dollar in plate, jewels, or money, marooning was their punishment. If the robbery was only betwixt one another, they contented themselves with slitting the ears and nose of him that was guilty, and set him on shore, not in an uninhabited place, but somewhere, where he was sure to encounter hardships.
III. No person to game at cards or dice for money.
IV. The lights and candles to be put out at eight o’clock at night: if any of the crew, after that hour still remained inclined for drinking, they were to do it on the open deck.
V. To keep their piece, pistols, and cutlass clean and fit for service.
VI. No boy or woman to be allowed amongst them. If any man were to be found seducing any of the latter sex, and carried her to sea, disguised, he was to suffer death; (so that when any fell into their hands, as it chanced in the Onslow, they put a sentinel immediately over her to prevent ill consequences from so dangerous an instrument of division and quarrel; but then here lies the roguery; they contend who shall be sentinel, which happens generally to one of the greatest bullies, who, to secure the lady’s virtue, will let none lie with her but himself.)
VII. To desert the ship or their quarters in battle, was punished with death or marooning.
VIII. No striking one another on board, but every man’s quarrels to be ended on shore, at sword and pistol. (The quarter-master of the ship, when the parties will not come to any reconciliation, accompanies them on shore with what assistance he thinks proper, and turns the disputant back to back, at so many paces distance; at the word of command, they turn and fire immediately, (or else the piece is knocked out of their hands). If both miss, they come to their cutlasses, and then he is declared the victor who draws the first blood.)
IX. No man to talk of breaking up their way of living, till each had shared one thousand pounds. If in order to this, any man should lose a limb, or become a cripple in their service, he was to have eight hundred dollars, out of the public stock, and for lesser hurts, proportionately.
X. The Captain and Quartermaster to receive two shares of a prize: the master, boatswain, and gunner, one share and a half, and other officers one and quarter.
XI. The musicians to have rest on the Sabbath Day, but the other six days and nights, none without special favour.
so obiviously it stands…excess of moral authority will not be tolerated!
also we will be doing;
set 1 — PRONOUNCED DOOK
set 2 — IT’S A COLOUR